Mums in Tech ft. Lydia (Deboub) Butler

Firstly, can you please introduce yourself and tell us a bit about your current role?

Hi, I’m Lydia a brand and marketing professional working in UK tech. I’ve spent the last several years building marketing functions, telling brand stories, and trying to make the kind of content that sounds human. I’m also a fairly new mum, which has added a whole new dimension to how I think about work, ambition, and what actually matters.

If you could sum up what it’s like being a working mum in tech in one sentence, what would it be?

One of the hardest things I’ve ever done alongside the best thing I’ve ever done, at the exact same time.

How do you find the balance between your career and motherhood?

I’m still learning! I have incredible support in my personal life, and I genuinely couldn’t do what I do without and I won’t pretend otherwise. But the balance itself is a work in progress.

Motherhood has forced me to start detaching from work in a way I never managed before. Pre-baby, work would creep into my headspace constantly outside of hours,  and I’d let it, almost without noticing. Now, the 24/7 nature of being a mum means I simply don’t have the mental bandwidth for that anymore. In a strange way, it’s taught me something I probably should have learned years ago: that we’re all allowed to switch off without guilt. We just don’t always give ourselves permission to do it.

What has been your greatest challenge as a working mother in tech?

The first is the pace of the industry. Tech moves fast, and before I had my son I spent a lot of time outside of work hours going to events, doing courses, upskilling. That time largely doesn’t exist in the same way anymore and navigating that without falling behind, or feeling like you’re falling behind, is a real pressure.

The second is bigger, and I doesn’t get talked about enough: matrescence. The identity shift that comes with becoming a mother is profound. I’m not the same person I was before, and that’s not a bad thing, but it is a huge thing, and most organisations do very little to acknowledge it, let alone support it. You’re expected to come back and slot back in as if nothing has fundamentally changed, when everything has.

What skills have you developed as a mother that have helped your work life?

Productivity with uninterrupted time, when you have it, you use it. I’ve become much better at focusing and getting things done in the windows I have.

But the biggest shift has been in perspective. Becoming a mum has made me much better at asking what actually matters here. Not every urgent thing is important, and not every important thing needs to be done today. That kind of bigger picture thinking has genuinely made me a better marketer and a better colleague.

(This sticker I created for our Fresh communications audience sums it up pretty perfectly.)

When you were returning to work, what one thing helped you / would have helped you the most?

A phased return. When someone is off long-term sick, a phased return is standard, it’s considered best practice. But mothers can be off for up to a year, come back to a role that has evolved, as a person who has also fundamentally evolved, and be expected to just jump straight back in. It doesn’t make sense, and I think we’d see far fewer women leaving the workforce shortly after returning if that one thing changed.

What do you feel should be the top priority for employers who want to support working mothers better?

Just ask! Not all mums need the same things, one might need adjusted hours, another might need something completely different. There is no one-size-fits-all here, and the organisations that understand that are the ones who will retain the women they’ve invested in.

Beyond that: action over words. The statements and the policies look great on paper. But what working mums need is for someone to genuinely care about what would help them, and then actually do something about it. That shift, from performative support to real, individual, ongoing care, is what will move the dial on the number of mothers leaving the workforce altogether. And that’s a loss no business can afford to ignore.

Any final words of advice for other mothers in the Tech Industry?

Don’t try to do it all, at least not all at once. We can have everything we want, but the timeline doesn’t have to be right now, all at the same time, at full intensity. Give yourself permission to pace it.

And please, give yourself some grace. Having children is one of the biggest life shifts a person goes through, and we’re already navigating more external pressure than we should be. The last thing we need is to pile even more onto ourselves. You’ve changed, and that’s okay!

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